24.9.12

fosse on fosse

His own plays are written in the New Norwegian, or Nynorsk, language, a synthetic form "which is never really spoken by anyone. It's the same with French and German theatre: their theatrical language is not the way you speak in the streets. In England, theatre is connected to dialect and what level of society you're speaking from. Elsewhere, it's a poetical reflection of the basics of life."


Pero me interesa cómo trabajan los directores con mis textos. Cuanto más fuertes son las voces de los directores, y cuanto menos buscan imponer mi presencia, más puros aparecen mis textos. Es extraño. Uno de los peligros es imponer la voz del autor.

‘We live in a time that comes after the great ideals, since the great ideals have lost their power these days. My plays may reflect that condition, though I don’t mean that their power only comes from the time they come from. You can something. But I can’t quite say what it is. Perhaps it is something to do with a slight feeling of religiousness. Life is bigger than our image of life. I have often experienced that in my plays: there is another presence that suddenly becomes visible in the writing.’

It is not our identity but our interpersonal relationships that steer our lives. And the theatre is the only art form that is able to mirror this social game.

As an individual I can be remarkably intolerant. It is only as an author that I am tolerant – every character is right in his own way.

http://www.fib.no/en/Learn-more/Melancholy-and-drama-in-Jon-Fosses-plays/

2.9.12

tewkesbury mustard


According to the book "Traditional Foods of Britain" by Laura Mason, a type of mustard made in Tewkesbury was so famous in the 1500s that Shakespeare even wrote it into a line in his play Henry IV: "His wit's as thick as Tewkesbury Mustard" - an insult used by character Sir John Falstaff.
Tewkesbury mustard was originally made with ground mustard mixed with horseradish. These were then made into balls and dried for storage, which could then be combined with vinegar or wine to make a paste.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/0/19370526

30.8.12

sean penn on tree of life

"The screenplay is the most magnificent one that I've ever read but I couldn't find that same emotion on screen," Penn told Le Figaro. "A clearer and more conventional narrative would have helped the film without, in my opinion, lessening its beauty and its impact. Frankly, I'm still trying to figure out what I'm doing there and what I was supposed to add in that context! What's more, Terry himself never managed to explain it to me clearly."

5.8.12

referencing Sacks' The Anthropologist on Mars

In a case study in that book he was talking about a man suffering from paralysing nostalgia who painted watercolours. He suggested that the impulse to become nostalgic comes from the same part of the psyche as does the impulse to create, and that both creativity and nostalgia are born out of a need to repair things that are broken or to complete things that are interrupted. So we feel nostalgic about the experiences we feel were interrupted and ended too soon and they are also the experiences that might lead us to want to write. And I think all of the plays I’ve written in some sense have kind of been an attempt to complete something or to repair something. And I think as well that all of the plays in that sense have kind of failed, and so you write another play to have another go, or to look at it from a different perspective.

24.7.12

phillip french on the lady vanishes

The screenwriters, Frank Launder and Sidney Gilliat, both much influenced by Hitchcock, had radically reworked the plot and the characters and most significantly had invented the insouciant cricket-loving Englishmen, Charters and Caldicott. As played by Basil Radford and Naunton Wayne, they were to become the greatest comic duo ever created in the British cinema, national archetypes that stamped themselves on several generations of moviegoers. The role played by Wilfred Hyde-White in The Third Man was originally written by Graham Greene for Radford and Wayne, and they were much admired by Harold Pinter. 

http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/filmblog/2012/jul/24/my-favourite-hitchcock-lady-vanishes

22.7.12

dear roland, tan frances

I am interested in language because it wounds or seduces me. ― The Pleasure of the Text

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The text you write must prove to me that it desires me. This proof exists: it is writing. Writing is: the science of the various blisses of language, its Kama Sutra (this science has but one treatise: writing itself). ― The Pleasure of the Text

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All of a sudden it didn't bother me not being modern.

+++

Incoherence seems to me preferable to a distorting order.

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Le langage est une peau: je frotte mon langage contre l'autre.

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Where there is meaning, there is paradigm, and where there is paradigm (opposition), there is meaning . . . elliptically put: meaning rests on conflict (the choice of one term against another), and all conflict is generative of meaning: to choose one and refuse the other is always a sacrifice made to meaning, to produce meaning, to offer it to be consumed. ― The Neutral: Lecture Course at the College de France

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I am either lacerated or ill at ease
and occasionally subject to gusts of life ― Mourning Diary

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Literature is like phosphorus: it shines with its maximum brilliance and the moment when it attempts to die. ― Writing Degree Zero

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virginia's flights of fancy

Woolf also wrote about life in London that in the "street outside, one catches a word in passing and from a chance phrase fabricates a lifetime". From these overheard conversations, she suggested, it was possible to "penetrate a little way, far enough to give oneself the illusion that one is not tethered to a single mind, but can put on briefly for a few minutes the bodies and minds of others".

21.7.12

secret gift of reading 2

The act of reading is always an act of infidelity.

secret gifts of reading

Those periods in life when you can't find the energy, time or headspace to read books are tiring. The act of engaging with another mind over a number of pages is strangely calming. To be denied that means one flounders around in one's own mind, dealing with nothing but one's own thoughts. And this is tiring.

20.7.12

Guzmán y su mochilla

"Each of us carries a backpack on our shoulders; this bag cannot be removed. One carries it one's whole life. In this bag one carries a lot of important things. For example: the memory of your mother, your birthplace, the first day at high school, your first love, your first lovesickness. All this is never forgotten.

"That is the true homeland – somewhere you live during the first 20 years of your life – and that accompanies you until death. It is not necessary to be in a particular country to feel Chilean, Peruvian and Argentinian. One's homeland is carried in the depths of one's heart."

Patricio Guzmán

URUGUAY 1924-30 - courtesy Jonathan Wilson @ Guardian


URUGUAY 1924-30

1924 Olympic final Colombes, Paris
3-0 v Switzerland (Petrone, Cea, Romano)
Mazali; Nasazzi (c), Arispe; Andrade, Vidal, Ghierra; Urdinarán, Scarone, Petrone, Cea, Romano
1928 Olympic final Olympisch, Amsterdam
1-1 v Argentina (Petrone; Ferreyra)
Mazali; Nasazzi (c), Arispe; Andrade, Fernández, Gestido; Urdinarán, Castro, Petrone, Cea, Campolo
1928 Olympic final replay Olympisch, Amsterdam: 2-1 v Argentina (Figueroa, Scarone; Monti)
Mazali; Nasazzi (c), Arispe; Andrade, Piriz, Gestido; Arremon, Scarone, Borjas, Cea, Figueroa
1930 World Cup final Centenario, Montevideo: 4-2 v Argentina (Dorado, Cea, Iriarte, Castro; Peucelle, Stabile)
Ballestero; Mascheroni, Nasazzi (c); Andrade, Fernández, Gestido; Dorado, Scarone, Castro, Cea, Iriarte
Uruguay's success at the Paris Olympics is one of the great romantic tales. This was, first and foremost, a team of workers, including, among other professions, a meat-packer, a marble-cutter, a grocer and an ice salesman. They travelled to Europe in steerage and played to pay for their board, winning nine friendlies in Spain before they even reached France. Uruguay were the first Latin American side to tour Europe, but they attracted little attention – at least initially – only around 2,000 turning up to watch them eviscerate Yugoslavia 7-0 in their opening game in the Olympics.
Word soon got around. "Game after game," the poet Eduardo Galeano wrote, "the crowd jostled to see those men, slippery as squirrels, who played chess with a ball. The English squad had perfected the long pass and the high ball but these disinherited children from far-off America didn't walk in their father's footsteps. They chose to invent a game of close passes directly to the foot, with lightning changes in rhythm and high-speed dribbling."
In four games they scored 17 goals and conceded just two in their four matches, beating a Switzerland side co-managed by the remarkable trio of Jimmy Hogan, Teddy Duckworth and Dori Kurschner 3-0 in the final. Uruguay, wrote Gabriel Hanot, the editor of L'Equipe, showed "marvellous virtuosity in receiving the ball, controlling it and using it. They created a beautiful football, elegant but at the same time varied, rapid, powerful and effective". And British football? "It is like comparing Arab thoroughbreds to farm horses."
Argentina, who hadn't travelled to France, were furious and, on Uruguay's return, challenged them to a game, winning 3-2 on aggregate after crowd trouble curtailed the second leg in Buenos Aires. When they met in the finals of the 1928 Olympics and the 1940 World Cup, though, Uruguay emerged triumphant. "Argentina," wrote the great Italian journalist Gianni Brera, "play football with a lot of imagination and elegance, but technical superiority cannot compensate for the abandonment of tactics. Between the two Rioplatense national teams, the ants are the Uruguayans, the cicadas are the Argentinians."

7.7.12

on being asked whether the film is political or not

The process of a director's Q&A obeys certain rules.

It is a public event, in front of an audience. But it must be born in mind that the filmmaker is not an actor.

- The first rule is that the filmmaker has to defend and promote their film. (If there has ever been a Q&A where the filmmaker has chosen to slag their film off, this could be seen as breaking the rule.)
- Secondly, given that this is a public scenario there is a minor obligation to entertain. There is nothing worse than having enjoyed a film and then being bored by the director's words afterwards.
- Next, related to the above point, the director needs to be concise. Even the best of points can be subverted by verbosity. The filmmaker will have spent hundreds, even thousands of hours working on the process of making the film. This cannot be encapsulated within the framework of a Q&A session.
- Finally, the filmmaker's ego should not come through too overtly. The film will be no better or worse for anything the director subsequently says about it.

Given all of this, and the other rules which will exist but have not been noted, there are all kinds of pitfalls to be negotiated which may impede fluency, spontaneity or clarity at the point at which the microphone is handed over.

There are things that need to be said and things that don't need to be said. Maybe there's a technique for striking the balance and finding the right words.

The microphone is indeed handed over.

Avoiding all eye contact, the co-director starts to speak.

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6.7.12

shard liggers

In a seemingly improvised bar at the back of the BFI they're handing out free beers. The art crowd who have just been to see a screening of a film about an obscure art-saint-fool who was the Goons before they were the Goons and was Duchamp after he was Duchamp and like everything unusual and British has been stuck in a margin somewhere that now equates to this bar - This art crowd. A crowd who should be too cool for free beers but isn't. Creating a surge at the bar which reaches its waveform peak within three minutes of the bar being open and then elides, fades aways, diminished until only the potted few, including us, return for the red wine which is all that now remains, the surge having washed the beer away. We prop up the bar and observe and discuss, as half-forgotten faces from London's demi-monde are remembered; as people talk with overstated enthusiasm about things that can't be heard from our vantage point. A film critic, one of the mavericks, appears. His film script has been eviscerated by a modern-day script guru. Who has told him that there needs to be three reasons for every shot. As though there are three reasons for every word. Or thought. Or tear. Perhaps there are, in the guru's world. There's so much Vivienne Westwood on display that the room collapses under its post-punk weight. People are fleeing. They're going to see the Shard lightshow. A transformative event. In the history of London. With three reasons for every laser. Later, after cheap Thai, we stand outside Waterloo and look up. A few half-hearted lasers are still ligging across the sky. As though searching out the last of the free beers.

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30.6.12

london fields

On London Fields they still play cricket. With some ferocity. Towards sunset swarms of cyclists arrive like a benevolent, fluorescent plague. This being London (and a field) you can bid farewell to 20 years of your life, mas o menos, without any great drama. Without any overarching sense of theatre. With an understated, barely acknowledged theatre. On a green, latterly fluorescent stage. With that graciousness which goes with London at its best, and fields, at their best. The act can be executed discreetly, even enjoyably, with random conversation and obscure cheese. For this reason, if no other, the city retains the charm it has spent millennia cultivating. As does the field.

29.6.12

courtesy of monsieur kabal in guardian comments

A familiar anecdote, but it bears repeating: Frank Capra's regular screenwriter Robert Riskind was so incensed by the number of times he heard people refer to "the Capra touch" as though Capra was the sole creative person working on the film that he sent Capra a sheaf of 100 blank pages with the note "Give that the fucking Capra touch!".

Elbow Licking

The target is Omar al-Bashir. Youth organisations have named tomorrow "elbow-licking Friday" in a reference to Bashir's habit of calling opponents wishing to overthrow him elbow-lickers, people who attempt the impossible.

6.2.12

flashback

Recent events had summoned up the presence of N, even though it was twenty years since she had seen him.  The lottery of their days together. When, upon waking, she would never know which N she would be sharing her life with. That feeling in the pit of the stomach, akin, she imagined, to a soldier awaiting battle. Anything might be round the corner. Death. Boredom. Laughter. Victory. Later, once the relationship had come to its inevitable messy end, she found herself laughing at the theories of why women remained with an abusive partner. Most veered towards the Freudian analysis that they were seeking out a forum to explore their own weaknesses. Few seemed to recognise the truth that to her was obvious. That if you love someone you have no choice but to experience your life through theirs. When, of a late afternoon, perhaps, on a day which had been destined for battle, she found herself transformed, turned into a warrior, defending herself or him or them or some principle which would always be disposable, minor. As though having walked through the mirror into an emergency version of herself, one reserved for meteorite attacks or fending off crocodiles or defending her babies. She later accepted that this journey she was going on with N was one that demanded she too participate in the abuse, she too learn to cross the line into the world of the uncivil. When he grabbed her hair at a party, perhaps, yanking it back, accusing her of having looked at another man, the petty grammar of jealousy, the greatest challenge was not the pain or the despair, it was the struggle to resist joining in the game, to scream back at him. It was her refusal to play the game he provoked that was the greatest betrayal, the only betrayal. N's accusations were never serious in themselves; they were a tactic, a way for him to cope with the tragic stress he was burdened with, night and day. When the stress became to much he would attack. It was not a defence of him to understand this; there was no defence. But love doesn't care about defence. All love wants to do is share. She thought. And through the act of sharing there grew the dream, the fruitless dream, of overcoming. The dream of the dawn when she would awake and it would be like they had been washed up on the shore after the shipwreck. They would get up and walk. They would look around them, realising that they had reached safety, everything was alright now. The sea had been tamed.  N had left her in the end. In his account of what had occurred, she became the one who was unhinged. He became the wronged party. Their lives had veered apart. As though all that anxiety had counted for nothing. She had forgotten what it was like to wake in the small house with that feeling there, nestled in the bed, a quiet fear which lay concealed, under the blanket. Waiting to emerge in the hours that would follow if the spirit moved him.  Only now had it returned. And although he was gone, so far gone that he might as well be dead, it was like he was back. Watching her.  +++

1.2.12

on this day

I did all those London things. Woke up late. Hungover. Quasi jump-out-the-window. Not quite. Not really. Get out. Feel better. Drink coffee in an important office. Feel connnected in a disconnected office. Sniff out openings. Feel dirty for wanting to sniff out openings when all you really want to do is catch up with someone who happens to work in an important office. Relatively important. It's all relative. Experience an awkward British hug. Go to another office. Name drop a bit. Demonstrate some intelligence. Feel the carpet moving under my feet. Go home. Sleep. Go out. Drink. Connect. Get the tube. The pub I went to is one I used to live right next to. In Brixton. For years it never changed and now it's been redone. Kind of tastefully. I went there with N and H on a particular night. The night of the day that the death of SK was revealed. A day of stunned sense. Sense not having been negated by what in other cases might have been a senseless action. Stunned, because even if it was not such a surprise, after all, after all that people knew and didn't know, after all that had been written, death still comes as a jolt. A winding. Breath taken out of sails. And we drunk in the pub in the same place if not the same table as I drunk tonight, and we were not yet sad, though at some point, later that night maybe, we would be possessed of a sadness we didn't know we could possess. But that came later. At that point we were, if anything, frustrated. Even irritated. As though one of us had given up the fight. Although it's never quite as simple as that, is it? As though we had been left behind, whilst the other moved down the fast lane, leaving nothing but tail lights, as red as ever, to be chased. And there I am, a decade and more later, still chasing. Catching up. Ever closer. Doing all those London things. Which are only beats. In a story which is being imagined in the mind of someone who's never been here; never tasted beer; never talked in a pub; never known refurbishment.

1.8.11

doodling

The urge to write is ultimately connected to an instinct to order the world. In the course of which, all writing might ultimately be seen as an expression of a quest to ascertain why the writer has been both placed within his or her situation, and also given the means to pursue that investigation in a form which will allow future readers to share the writer's curiosity/ anxiety/ journey.

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22.6.11

the eclipse behind the cathedral

It’s a Summer’s evening. The Eclipse is a Tudor fronted pub, black beams, white plaster. Inside it has a low ceiling and a tiny bar. Tables always at a premium. It has its regulars, who prop up the bar and have their own tankards. Although it looks like a village pub, this is a city, albeit one which froze in size around the time of the Crusades, and The Eclipse still has an edge to it, a place from where late at night drunkards will spill out onto the streets keeping the locals awake. Outside, there are twin benches either side of the door, set into to the fabric of the building.

That’s where we are. It’s around seven pm. We’re drinking lager, because aged 19, it’s what everyone drinks. There’s only the two of us, myself and a man called James, known at school as Muppet, who will go on in life to become a long-serving employee of the Bank of England, a reliable dad, a resident of Surrey. All these things are probably discernable in his frame and demeanour now, to the soothsayer, but at this point in our lives he still carries other possibilities around in his back pocket. We’re both negotiating our way out of childhood, on holiday from university, back from the growing-up wars. Our friendship runs deeper than any we have at university, but it’s also at its zenith. These are the last things we’ll truly share, after six years of school. For the next decade we’ll remain in each other’s lives, slowly drifting apart, the ties that bind, the common interests, eroded by time, geography and the atomization of the late twentieth century. Because really there’s no reason why James and I shouldn’t still be meeting and talking Economics until we’re old men, cozy in the complicity of the conversation game. But we won’t and we don’t and that’s just how it is.

This particular evening there’s an edginess around me and there’s a reason for it. My girlfriend, the one from University, is not with me. She’s gone back to her stomping ground, the wilds of Hertfordshire. Only, on this day, she’s meeting up with her ex-boyfriend. His name is Masa. He’s Japanese. He’s a multi-millionaire who was part of the Japanese Olympic skiing team. He lives in New York. A week after she met me, she took down the photo of him that lived on her wall. Destined to be together, until I appear. They are meeting in London. At his hotel. I don’t know where exactly. Somewhere on Park Lane.

I’m too self-absorbed to be really worried. She and I have been together a whole academic year, we’re about to move into a little house with a yard with roses in a place called Dunnington. We’re playing out some kind of fantasy of coupledom which we both need and which is already turning sour. Nothing will interrupt this sequence, I know, and even if something were to, I would recalibrate my horizon, suffer the crisis which will arrive sooner or later, the world would have shrunk, but then the world is expanding all the time anyway.

Although the truth is I’m not even contemplating any of this. I’m just edgy. On adrenaline and lager. James, because he knows me, picks up on my edginess. I explain the context. Perhaps he asks if I’m worried or not. I don’t remember. James says something along the lines of: “It’s good {or unusual} to see someone so passionate about things.” His thesis doesn’t quite ring true. Later others arrive and the evening changes or becomes more drunken. For the next three years whenever we’re back and we go out it feels like the end of an era.

I never learn what happened in Masa’s hotel room and I never force the issue. There are things you know in the heart which are more important than the things that are actually lived. As decreed we will spend the next two years of our lives together in a house with a blue door and a yard with roses. Sometimes he sends her envelopes stuffed with money.

For two years we fight a lot then we split up. She goes to New York and marries Masa. James has a child called George. James and I drift apart. The Eclipse is still there. To the best of my knowledge.

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12.6.11

on the way to queensway station, 7am

I once knew roses that grew in back yards.
I’d wait for them and most years they’d show up.
When they did, I was grateful, if not inordinately.
I thought we’d grow old together, somehow, the roses
And I, in our back yards. Duplicate that course of
Nature, inherit a thoughtless rhythm. My roses –
Although they were never mine, they belonged to no-one –
Came back to haunt this morning, cascading over
City walls, crying for gravity, flexing dormant
Memory muscles of shared seasons, long-forgotten.


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3.6.11

unfinished 4am poem, written in a hotel near barajas airport, madrid

Four in the morning is a transient moment in
A Spanish night. For some, the final minutes
Of a day which has ended in the soft
Enveloping grasp of alcohol and friendship.
For others in this functional hotel, it
Will be the last gasp of a day’s business
Which, far from soft, has gone on longer
Than was ever planned (twas ever thus),
And a night fuelled by lust for profit, or
A colleague, or mere security, which can
Only be attained at the price of nights like
This, a mortgage paid towards the family
Redoubt, the sound of your children’s
Exuberance of a morning still five years
In the future, a sound already heard as
The door is shut and you fall into bed, the
Fog of alcohol on your breath, an
Unfulfilled desire tempered by the knowledge
Of the investment you’ve made towards
The future you shall not dream about tonight,
But live one day, the day when the sight of
Your child in a sunhat playing beneath the
Pine trees beside the lake will trigger the
Memory of a bad joke, or the strange
Juxtaposition of pompous sixties
Architecture with the medieval wall
Hangings someone has chosen to adorn
The hotel’s walls. When your child trips,
And cries, you’ll smile at the investment
You’ve made to hear the sound of their
Bitter tears, and for a few perfect minutes
It will all make sense. Four in the morning
Is also the hour at which the earliest of
Risers make their way to the airport,
Wiping sleep from their eyes, leaving
Their partner and offspring behind to
Catch a bus, arriving as the lights come
On again, the bustle of international
Travel on the verge of spinning the world
Like a top; a world measured in the
Dead hours taken to trawl the very skies.

june 2010

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18.5.11

central line early morning

An Australian woman, hair curly, reddish,
Sits next to an African man who looks older
Than she does. She coaches him in the art of
Closing the sale. Explains how, once the direct
Debit has been agreed, he needs to cut to the chase.
He takes out a notebook to ensure he's got it all
Down. She glances at some figures on a page.
Asks, shocked: 'Is that how much you owe?' He
Looks sheepish. 'You have to pay twelve thousand
In a year?' He explains the details of his father's
Debt. She says it's a lot. He looks like a lost
Sheep being reminded he's lost. His arm, it
Is noted, is placed behind her, across her seat.
Neither betraying an intimacy, nor denying
The possibility of an intimacy. They get off at
Loughton, carrying London Energy backpacks.

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2.5.11

south london stories #19901

I go round to visit my friends who live in Herne Hill.

There's a freezer in the hallway.

The freezer is full of clothes. I think I spy a handbag there as well.

Later my friend has to locate his suit.

He needs it because he's going to be a vodka-distributing, confession-taking priest between the hours of 10pm and 2am.

He goes to the kitchen and starts throwing plastic bags out of the freezer section of his fridge-freezer.

Finally he finds the suit.

He takes it out and places it on a wooden chair to defrost.

It's chilled and has a texture like paper, not cloth.

We go to the pub. At half nine he will come back and put the suit on. It will have defrosted somewhat, but still be at a sub-normal suit-wearing temperature.

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5.4.11

why there's no point doing interviews

Literary writing does not explain, does not teach: It simply offers the presence of its own mystery, its own experience, in its absence of explanation, thus inviting not some illusory ‘understanding' … but precisely a reading.

Hence the vanity of asking the writer what he ‘wanted to say' ... as if writing came from his wanting, from his free and sovereign will.

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Jonathan Littell, quoted here: http://bit.ly/esUPo6

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15.3.11

what to do in event of exposure to higher than normal levels of radiation

General Decontamination Procedure (if water is unavailable)

• Remove your clothes and shoes and place them in a plastic bag.

• Wipe yourself down with cloth or a wet tissue (afterwards place the cloth or wipe in the plastic bag and throw the bag and its contents away).

General Decontamination Procedure (When water is available)

• Remove your shoes and clothes and place them in a plastic bag.

• Wipe yourself down with cloth or a wet tissue (afterwards place the cloth or wipe in the plastic bag and throw the bag and contents away).

Follow the procedure below if shower is available

• Wash your hair with shampoo.

• Wash your face. (with soap or body wash)

• Wash your body. Including the inside of your ears and under your fingernails (with soap or body wash)

• Wash the clothes in the laundry or if you are still concerned, dispose of the clothes.

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14.3.11

the jesus sutras

This comes from a 7th Century Chinese text, as quoted by Martin Palmer, offering an insight into how 7th Century Chinese Christianity was evolving, incorporating elements of Buddhism, Daoism and Confucianism

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The Four Essential Laws of Christian Dharma


Now, what are the Four Essential Laws of the Dharma?
The first is no wanting. If your heart is obsessed with something,
It manifests in all kinds of distorted ways.
Distorted thoughts are the root of negative behavior . . .

The second is no doing. Don't put on a mask and pretend to be what you’re not . . .
The effort needed to hold a direction is abandoned,
And there is simply action and reaction.
So walk the Way of No Action.

The third is no piousness. And what that means
Is not wanting to have your good deeds broadcast to the nation.
Do what's right to bring people to the truth
But not for your own reputation’s sake.
So anyone who teaches the Triumphant Law,
Practicing the Way of Light to bring life to the truth,
Will know Peace and Happiness in company.
But don't talk it away. This is the Way of No Virtue.

The fourth is no absolute. Don't try to control everything,
Don't take sides in arguments about right and wrong.
Treat everyone equally, and live from day to day.
It’s like a clear mirror that reflects everything anyway:
Green or yellow or in any combination-
It shows everything, as well as the smallest of details.
What does the mirror do? It reflects without judgement.

+++

quoted from: http://www.sevenpillarshouse.org/article/the_jesus_sutras_an_ancient_message_for_a_post_modernist_future/

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14.2.11

el pibe de 17 anos

Today, a footballer known to the world as Ronaldo retired. He's 33 years old. If you pay any attention to football he's been around for what seems like forever, in footballing terms.

There's a famous story which I found myself repeating about my first night on Latin American soil. I was taken to see a football match. I was hugged by a fat, sweaty man on the terraces. Thanks to him I learnt my first Spanish words the hard way. Saltar. Cantar. It was a fitting introduction to what was to become the other side of my life.

What I didn't realise, when telling this story, was that there was a kid of 17 playing for the Brazilian team, who scored two goals and ended up on the losing side. Because he was young, he wasn't famous in Europe at the time. There would have been no reason for me to have heard of him. His name was Ronaldo.

It's only this evening that I've worked out what team he played for in Brazil before he went to play for PSV in Holland. The same team that was playing against Nacional, in the Estadio Centenario, that night. The 28th October 1993.

The details of the match itself have always been hazy. I know Nacional won. Largely because of my capacity to learn in no time at all what the Spanish word for 'to jump' meant. I remember there were penalties involved. But not how many, or how decisively. Though now it comes back to me.

On that night, I was still a 'pibe', albeit of slightly more than 17 years. I had long hair and honey coloured skin. I didn't have the faintest idea that the internet existed and that it would become part of my life. Therefore I had no way of even conceiving the fact that one day I would be able to rediscover that night. That I would rediscover my first night in Latin America on the day that the kid who scored two almost immediately forgotten goals would eventually choose to retire.

Thanks to this thing called the internet, I would see the faces of the people who were all around me again. Hear the sounds of the stadium again. It's the sounds which, above all else, remain familiar. All of which I rediscovered here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvjtFM4vKrg&feature=related

+++

This match was the quarter final. In the semi final, I learn, Nacional were eliminated by Flamengo. The game was "Suspendido a los 77 minutos por incidentes." I suspect that translates. I wasn't there to saltar.

Ronaldo and the internet and myself. And everyone else. We've all been a long way round the houses since that mad, spectacular first night of victory and defeat in Montevideo.

+++

12.2.11

new writing in new places @ #royalcourt

Hungover, I just make it in time for the start of the talk. Three writers and a director. Most of the things said seem reasonable, with everyone careful to stress that the purpose of the new writing initiative abroad is not to produce a 'royal court' play, but to explore and exchange. The writers relate how much they've got from the trips abroad, something that doesn't really seem surprising. There follow a few questions which are too complicated for my addled brain to follow, ably fielded by the panel.

It's only at the very end that the discussion threatens to explore the subject in more depth. The last questioner in particular raises an issue which anyone who's worked in theatre abroad will be aware of, the pros and cons of the subsidised system, and by implication the increased motivation required to work in a non-subsidised theatrical culture (ie most of Latin America, Asia, Africa etc). The question is rebuffed with the bland assertion that "there are no cons to a subsidised system" and there's no time to proceed further.

By this point, in part through Michael Wynne's engaging story of the Elephant and the Bus Engine play, which perhaps raises more questions about the scheme than it answers, the other side of the Court's agenda has emerged more strongly: the desire to find a play which will resonate with the Court's audience. Whilst this is of course a reasonable objective, what was never really touched on was the way in which the writers themselves (as I know from personal experience) are aware of this agenda and cannot help but be influenced by it in the engagement with the Court. (With the subsequent risk of what might be termed a beauty pageant.)

Throughout the talk there seemed very little disposition on the part of the speakers to place themselves in the shoes of the writers who participate in the Court's international schemes. Perhaps its because it's very hard to do this within the context of a passing visit which, as Wynne suggested, is also likely to be a formative event for the writer. The Court's International playwrighting scheme is a laudable endeavour which undoubtedly benefits writers across the globe. But like any scheme, it will have both its pros and its cons, and it seemed a pity that given the opportunity to engage in a public debate, there was so little impetus to explore both pros and cons within a wider, global, context. More time for questions would have helped as it seemed as though there were many theatre practitioners from around the world whose opinions we didn't get sufficient opportunity to hear.

+++

10.2.11

west london tales 12 - egypt

Playing on my laptop, beside this screen, a woman with a blue scarf talks from Tahrir Square. The noise from the square slips down cables, slides through oceans, emerges through speakers, sings in my sitting room. Everything connects?

I took the lift this morning and saw my downstairs neighbours for the first time since I got back. More often than not the reason we talk to one another is because there's been a leak from my flat downstairs to theirs. (Generally arising from the Ethiopian couple who live upstairs.) In spite of this, I get on OK with my downstairs neighbours, an old man and his middle-aged daughter. But today, in the lift, they were distracted and made little attempt to communicate. The daughter was on the phone, talking in Arabic and her father, a hunched man with big specs who's always in slippers, looked concerned, trying to work out what the person on the other side of the phone line was saying.

Then I remembered. They are Egyptian Copts. They had bigger things on their mind.

+++

9.2.11

pace kipling, but in spanish

La lucha siempre era, siempre es, y supongo siempre seria contra el fracaso.
Aveces pierdes, aveces ganas.
Aveces sentis que estas perdiendo cuando realmente estas ganando.
Y aveces sentis que ganas, cuando la realidad es que nunca puedes ganar todo el tiempo.
Hay epocas de victoria y epocas de fracaso y es asi la vida.
El truco es acordarte de lo que no esta pasando cuando esta pasando lo que esta pasando.

+++

4.2.11

Going running in Montevideo

My friend Mr Kemp informs me the optimal method of fat-burning exercise is light jogging. Around the age of forty, when I lived near some fields for a while, I took up running. It killed me. I’d go round and around a field I’d known for 25 years until I was fit to drop. The first lap might have been a pleasure but subsequently it became a torture. The trouble was the challenge. It’s hard not to be competitive. If I did three laps one day I’d want to do four the next. And so on. The most I ever managed was eleven. But every peak was followed by a descent. Sometimes you were back to three. It lost its charm. I moved. I didn’t have to run anymore.

A while later I was living where I live now. I felt self-conscious about the idea of running in public. I didn’t want people to see me suffering. Across the road from me was a gym. It cost more than a £100/ month. I couldn’t afford it. A year or so later, I decided my health was more important. Whatever that means. I joined. Basically to run on the treadmills. They had a device to measure how far you’d run and how fast. I started on 3K and built up to 5K. Soon I was back in the trap of trying to go faster higher further than I’d ever been before. After a Summer of running whilst watching cricket on the monitor, the enthusiasm waned. The gym remained across the road. Costing me as much as it taunted me. It was relief that I finally got round to cancelling my membership, knowing I was going away.

I brought my running shoes with me. It’s always a risk. Maybe you’re going to end up leaving them in a corner, goading you. The second day I was there we had a row. These things happen. It was one of those getting-back-together-after-being-apart-for-a long-long-time rows. It was stupid. There was no logic to it. We sort of got over it. I said I was going to go for a run. Which I did. It killed me. All over again. The row was soon forgotten. The next day I went again. I got as far as the disused railway station. Curious, I swerved to go under an arch and check it out. As I did so I pulled a muscle in my side. I had to walk back.

It’s cold in Montevideo in September. The houses aren’t made for Winter. The cold seeps into the walls, there’s no central heating, and it stays there. You wear layer upon layer. Everyone gets ill. I got ill. I got horribly raking-cough ill. I had to work but the only thing I wanted to do was go to bed. I couldn’t. C was on tour. In the days I wrote. In the afternoons I worked. In the evenings I shivered. I didn’t go running.

The play happened. I hadn’t been running for ages. Been to Rio and Buenos Aires and wanted to go running there but there wasn’t the time. It was November. The weather was getting warmer. The shoes beckoned. I started running again.

From out of the front door of C’s flat, a flat which basically turns its back on the street, you can see the Palacio Legislativo. A big, Italianate building, which holds the Parliament. Sitting on top of a hill. In all the years I’d visited I hardly ever went near it.

The Palacio was a couple of kilometres away. It made for a target. First I jogged down the street in front of the flat, Piedra Alta. Most streets in Montevideo run for twenty or thirty blocks. This one runs for two. There’s a ruined old car on one side and a pension further down. A sign saying ‘Ingles’ at the top. At the bottom you’re near the Palacio Penarol, a giant yellow building which houses the Penarol basketball team. Then it’s uphill, towards the Palacio Legislativo. The streets are nondescript but empty. Full of low level one or two block houses. A mix of residential and business. Offering a scrappy, slightly out-of-centre feel. The Palacio itself is surrounded by a giant roundabout, with slow moving traffic trundling round. No sign of any Westminster crash barriers. I got to the steps and paused, taking in the view.

Over the next two months, the running became more regular. I started straying further and further. I ran on Christmas Day and New Years Day. People has set up their barbeques in the streets, whole families eating outside. A man wearing a hat guarded an empty garage, fighting off the sun. People meandered. There were no other runners on these streets. These streets weren’t made for runners. They’re littered with jagged paving stones, dogshit, rubbish. The sun beats down and you head for shade.

Montevideo is named after the fact that a sailor shouted from the sea his excitement at seeing a distant hill. So the story goes. The hill in question, Cerro, is on the other side of the bay, far from the centre. In theory, the city is supposed to be more or less flat. Only it’s not. It has peaks and dips and troughs. Nothing too dramatic, but a peak is always a peak and a trough is always a trough. There is a Spanish word, which got used a lot in the Himalayas. It’s a word I can never remember straight away. The Montevidean hills gave me time to focus. Climbing a gradual but consistent slope, the word would infiltrate its way into the brain. Repecho. You don’t know exactly what it means. And you also know exactly what it means.

Round every corner there’s something new to see. Dilapidated buildings, crumbling art deco houses with a stone lion stuck on the top. A bar adorned with vines. On my last evening we finally went there. And drank beer. The waitress came from Mozambique. We talked about how impossible it all looked. C did. And I felt trapped because she was talking about how powerless she is and she was right. She is. We are. It is.

But that’s later and earlier I’m running, exploring, beyond the Palacio, past the antique shops, East to the disused building with the plaque for the birthplace of Florencio Sanchez, the greatest of the Uruguayan playwrights, they say, a hundred years since his death. To the West where the new Plaza has been opened, with the skateboard ramps and the landscaped steps and the small trees that people use for shade. To the East, past the railway station, disused, a statue of George Stephenson in front slowly fading away, the place boarded up, more Victoriana. Behind it the containers stacked up in Montevideo’s ever expanding port, containers from Europe and Asia and the Americas, full of god knows what, waiting to go god knows where.

I run and I run and the city runs with me, bright in the sun, desperately seeking shade, laughing at the gringo running alongside it, where’s he going – why is he doing this?

It was Summer now. The sun shone as I ran. I returned draped in sweat. Running was no longer a chore. To go running in Montevideo is to step out of self-consciousness. To step out of self-consciousness is to feel free. Really free. No-one’s looking or judging. No policemen in the head. No criteria. Just a simple goal of heading off somewhere and then returning.

Just like one of those runs, I didn’t really know where I was going when I set out to write this piece. But I knew I’d discover something, something which would help to lead me home.


+++

3.2.11

entre las cosas que extrano

america latina
las partes de america latina que no conozco
rio de janeiro
buenos aires
los andes
incluyo los partes que no conozco
montevideo
montevideo
corriendo por montevideo
santa catalina
cabrera, que solo vi una vez...
el cielo
taxis
teatro
que no hay fronteras
mirando peliculas
la feria
la otra feria
todos las ferias
y los ferias de mas. que no conozco
carne
gente
la futura
la pasada
los techos
tres de la manana
cuatro de la manana
y lo de mas
mas gente
puesta del sol
mar
cocinando
adivinando
viviendo
dia por dia.


+++

30.1.11

words of vila matas

Me voy. Terminó todo. Recuerden que uno nunca ha de escribir una frase si no siente que la esencia de esa frase no la ha sentido nunca nadie. Cada frase es una innovación. O así debería de ser, muchachos (y muchachas)

+++

on a train heading east

If you were to ask how I felt, I would reply:
Permanently drunk. Drunk on dislocation.
Drunk as a split person who knows his
Sober self resides within but cannot be
Accessed because the opiates have shut
Him out of his own sober mind. Who stands
In two hemispheres, doesn’t even try to
Walk the line, befuddled by twin climates,
Languages, states of self. Lost in a blizzard
Of scripts, stories, fears and hopes. His head
Covered to protect him from the sun’s glare,
An Arctic sun which rains all the time and
Also burns. I am drunk on 24 hour English;
Unlimited Skype; tragic tales; the mundanity
Of city life. When do I sober up? And where?
In a ditch? At ‘home’? Speaking in tongues?


28.01.11

+++

19.1.11

Mosquito Wars 5.30 am, Montevideo

Seven, eight, nine perfect welts. White
Havens of blood-sucking frenzy. I scratch
The contemplation of a skin stripped bare
Of: nut-brown ale (natch); must (natch).
The whisper of cowslip in an unsung
Heat-haze. The threat of dandelion.
Round tables with forked iron breath.
Last orders. Breath like fire-flies in
The night made of ice-cream. Coal
Black ice-cream. Swans gliding down
A black river like a living movie from
The days before film existed. Swans
Like a mobile in a child’s bedroom.
Nut brown ale (natch): must (natch).
The snap that brings a day of bright
Terrier cold when you walk past spider
Webs frozen in an image of optimism.

+++

10.11.10

3 rio poems



+++


Copacabana, Sunday Afternoon

Fluid lines of black and white mosaic unfold
Beneath your feet. The Impressionist carpet.
Youngsters in their toy cars, Peruvian
Trinket-sellers, handball players, volley-
Ballers, families, tourists, zero-eyed
Beach bums, surfers, millionaires and paupers
Jockey for space, of which there is no sense of
Shortage. In the midst of this throng, a bunch of
Scruffy orphans fight over popcorn, squabbling
Like miscreant kittens, a whiff of favela,
As though by design. At a bar table drinking
Jugos of some yet-to-be-named fruit, three players
Assess a gun magazine, calibrating
Kill efficiency against aesthetics
Like true collectors, killer nerds. A youth
Shins up a coconut tree, throwing unripe fruit
At his friends, who pose for the camera. This is
The anarchic, democratic colony of
Copacabana, where every face fits, all souls
Are deemed equal.


+++

Hills

It seems against nature for a city to evolve
In a landscape such as this. Cities seek order,
Evenness, coherence. Instead, Rio surges
Out of the land like a drunken sailor,
All knees and elbows. Tunnels and bridges
Breach the geographical divide; join
The dots. Look up by night and a million
Spots of light speckle hillsides like a childhood
Dream of what the city might be: beach and cliff and
Bay, a home for elves, superstars and errant fairies.


+++



+++


Bomba

For breakfast a concoction made from
Acai, guarana, peanut, protein, more.
As dense as a Cairngorn fog. Fuel for
Morning, afternoon, night and the month to come.


+++

8.11.10

24 hours in buenos aires



+++

I was told by the taxi driver, a taxi driver who I later realised had succeeded in charging me double the going rate for the trip, that Boedo, the barrio where I was staying was the ‘barrio de tango’. I didn’t realise it, but his remark at the start of a flying visit to Buenos Aires presaged a quest to discover whether tango, a slightly anachronistic seeming rhythm in a world of beats and salsa, was more than just a museum piece. Driving down 25 de Mayo, the city’s main artery, with all its billboards and its grandeur, it seemed hard to imagine that this was still a city of immigrants, nostalgic for the motherland, singing sad, lilting songs of loss. A meal in an authentic Italian restaurant, with homemade pasta and pictures of the 2006 Italian world cup winning team on the wall offered a hint that it was out there somewhere, and the next day, the girlfriend and I set off on a haphazard exploration of the city, with the unwitting ambition of discovering if tango was alive and well.

We had started in appropriate fashion. By arguing for most of the night. Finally sleeping near dawn and waking after 11. Sun dappling the windows of our hotel room, suggesting that no matter what the grief might be, it would still be worth our while heading out. If tango is a dance of lazy passion, an understated hysteria denoted by the flick of a leg or a sudden shift of rhythm, then it makes sense that we began the quest in a woozy, desiccated state of mind. Fortified by café au lait and finger sized croissants, we headed out into the back streets with hope in our hearts.



+++


To begin with we drifted through the leafy streets of Boedo which, save for the odd mural, offered precious little in the way of tango. Admittedly it was far too early for any kind of serious tango activity. (It’s only down in San Telmo they dance for the tourists all day long). After a while, the leafy ‘barrio of tango’ began to give way to a seedier vibe, as we moved from Boedo into Once, which is all warehouses and shops. Our route took us across the train lines into the commercial zone. Suddenly, tranquillity gave way to a feverish shopping street.

In common with every American city, Buenos Aires is a city of immigrants. The majority of Portenos, as the citizens are known, have either Spanish or Italian descendency. But there are also large communities of Germans, Eastern Europeans, Russians etc. The only Porteno I know in London has red hair and the surname Rattagan, his ancestors having come from Ireland. Tango emerged in the early twentieth century on both sides of the Rio Plata, in part as an expression of nostalgia for the motherland. However, the mass influx of Europeans ended over fifty years ago. Their descendents are all Argentines now. Nostalgia for a lost paradise is more of a symbolic than an actual phenomenon. Which is where the bustling activity of Once took on an extra dimension. Because the shoppers and the shopkeepers are all, by and large immigrants. The new immigrants – Bolivians, Ecuadorians, Peruvians, as well as Chinese and even Nigerians, are economic migrants, hoping that the biggest city in the South of the continent will offer a higher standard of living. They have taken over Once, with streets full of Andean restaurants, money changers, any commercial opportunity. Perhaps here is where the modern day tango is most likely to be found. Except for the irony that the Argentines resent these modern day immigrants. They don’t want to integrate them into their culture. Instead, like immigrant communities the world over, they are blamed for rising crime and other social ills. The spirit of tango might exist in Once, but its not a song that’s getting heard.



So we left Once, crossing Avenida Corrientes, heading into Abasto. In a matter of minutes the streets were cobbled and the houses, theatres, garages and pizzerias painted with vivid, floral designs. This seemed more like the traditional image of Buenos Aires, and it came as no surprise to stumble across the home of the greatest tango singer of them all, Carlos Gardel. In his day, before his untimely death in a plane crash in Colombia in 1935, Gardel’s fame took him far from his Rio Plata roots. He was an international superstar, big in Europe and Hollywood. His modest house displays a quote which says that a homemade stew cooked with care tastes better than the finest meal in the finest restaurant in the world. A clip from one of his films shows him waking up in his New York penthouse, with four platinum blondes lying around to whom he promptly croons an appreciative ditty. His house has become an unpretentious shrine, and the spirit of tango flickers throughout Abasto’s pleasant, low-key streets, where some of the houses are painted with lyrics and notes from Gardel’s greatest hits, as well as a stream of Gardel murals on seemingly every corner. (Warhol Gardel; Lichtenstein Gardel, Impressionist Gardel etc.)

However, for all the murals and street art, there’s something of the heritage industry about this veneration of Gardel, who died over sixty years ago. If anything, it seems to imply that the phenomenon has atrophied. A short stroll towards the historic centre of Buenos Aires takes you to the Plaza del Congreso where the offices of the Madres de La Plaza de Mayo are located. The offices of the Madres, which continues to function as an NGO, are open to visitors. On the walls are photos of those who remain disappeared, a quarter century after the fall of the dictatorships and the return to democracy. Rows of faces, captured in the aspic of their seventies haircuts, are testament to a time when, along with its human rights abuses, the nation suffered a period of cultural devastation, its musicians and artists banned or forced into exile. Argentina, along with the other Latin American nations which suffered political repression in the latter half of the twentieth century, has moved on, but the walls are a constant reminder of the lasting scars.

In the Plaza de Mayo itself, there are more reminders, with a demonstration by veterans of the Malvinas. One banner says ‘No more fake veterans’. However, the demonstrators share the square with a christian rock band, and the mood is relaxed. We decide to cut short the expedition and head back to the pension. The search by day was always likely to be fruitless. A hunt for the real spirit of tango has to take place by night.

+++

A few hours later we made our way to La Boca to see El Fulgor Argentino. The show recounts a hundred years of Argentina’s history, in its own theatre, the Galpon de Catalinas. El Fulgor Argentino has been running for 13 years, with the ending constantly being rewritten. There’s a cast of approximately a hundred – it varies from night to night – made up entirely of local residents from La Boca. This is their theatre. Outside, vast grills serve up chorizo sandwiches, beer and cake. All of which can be taken into the theatre. The audience is a mix of the well-heeled, venturing into the badlands of La Boca, and locals. The theatre’s full and the audience’s enthusiasm grows as the tale unfolds, a mix of satire and music, including comedy tanks and generals, the rich and the poor, culminating in a hundred people on stage singing a rousing finale.

Obviously a show dealing with a hundred years of Argentina’s popular music has to include tango, and there’s one wonderful scene where a series of actors dance with giant puppets, whispering sweet nothings as they do so. But the show also demonstrates how tango would appear to have been displaced, by salsa, rock, pop, you name it. As each new dance craze hits the stage, a lone couple continue to steadfastly dance tango, resisting the tide. If anything El Fulgor Argentino would seem to confirm the fact that tango is nothing more than a museum piece, in a society which now looks both to Europe and the rest of Latin America for its cultural infuences.

It’s midnight by the time the show finishes. There’s one last stop to be made. We flag down a taxi and head back towards the centre. Our destination is La Catedral.



La Catedral is a vast hanger. You climb some stairs and enter a cavernous space, with a bar at the far end. The lighting is subdued. As, at first, seems the atmosphere. It’s gone one in the morning and people are dancing but there are no beats, no flashing lights. Gradually the mesmeric rhythm of the tango starts to get under your skin. On the dance floor, a dozen couples are weaving their way around, lazily changing pace as the music picks up and recedes.

Tables surround the dance floor. They are occupied by a mix of age groups and demographics. Sixty year olds dance with twenty somethings. Domination of the dance moves provides the democratic key to participation. On the sidelines, there’s no pressure to join in. A milonga is an opportunity to observe the dancers’ talent, with no need to make a fool of yourself trying to emulate them. Unless you feel like it.

If one were to say that an atmosphere can be dream-like, then La Catedral would embody this atmosphere. No-one is in a hurry. No-one makes too much noise. The environment is both resolutely contemporary and absolutely timeless. The dancers could have been there for decades, centuries, picking out steps, lurching against one another in a parody of desire, staggering or skipping, graceful swans then, by turns, clumsy swans, all at a time. Here is the pulse of tango, alive and well in Buenos Aires.

Later a singer comes on, a small, fiery woman with a low-key band of four. She sings tangos which the audience knows and tangos which they don’t. The most confident couples join her on the dancefloor, cutting through the space like lasers.

The very word ‘tango’ in English is a strange, almost comical one, an alien sound for an alien dance. This is the music of old Europe, displaced, distorted, disturbed, remade anew for a new continent. In La Catedral, of a night, that time when the dawn is still distant but the night is already old, it’s possible to glean what tango feels like, what tango was and is and always shall be.

+++

23.10.10

international get together, montevideo

Anibal says he's going to see a friend of his who's Australian. She used to live here and she's back for a while. It's a small party. We walk across town, twenty minutes, from Cordon to Barrio Sur. The Australian lets us in. There's another Australian upstairs, who's her boyfriend, of Greek descendence, an American, a Uruguayan tango dancer, another Uruguayan woman and a Frenchwoman, who's there with the tango dancer. Everyone seems very friendly and they ply me with wine. Because I say I can speak a bit of French, I'm sat next to the Frenchwoman.

When she tells me she's a dancer it doesn't surprise me. She has a dancer's physiognomy, petite features, alert, slightly vulnerable. She speaks some Spanish but not a lot. No English. I speak some French, not a lot. We communicate, as you do. She's only just arrived from Buenos Aires. She met the tango dancer, who's also called Anibal, either last night or the night before. She doesn't know anyone here. Anibal, the tango dancer occasionally holds her hand or strokes her hair. She tells me that she's a tango dancer. In France. She dances tango. So now she's come here, to the Rio Plata, to dance in the milongas of Buenos Aires and Montevideo. She's never been to South America before. It's a kind of pilgrimage. She's goes to the milongas alone and dances.

She didn't like the Portenos much. She found them awkward, stand-offish. I tell her the Uruguayans will be kinder. I ask what prompted her visit, now. She tells me that she's just split up with her partner. A relationship of many years. Her partner, who was also her dance partner. The partner with whom she danced tango. In France. I tell her her story, the story of a tango dancer who goes to the Rio Plata to discover the roots of her dance and at the same time sever the ties of her dance, sounds like a film script. She says someone else has already told her that.

My French dries up. Soon afterwards, she leaves, with Anibal. Anibal the tango dancer. They're heading off to a milonga. I talk to the Australian. Whose parents were Uruguayan. Before they emigrated to Australia. Before they returned to Uruguay. The Australian woman studies child poverty. She'd like to stay in Uruguay, but there aren't any jobs.

+++

in the pension, buenos aires

It's early evening. The pension, in Boedo, consists of a series of rooms which open out onto a first floor patio. There's a parillada and a settee and pot plants. It's pleasant and all the Gatos hang out there. In the middle of our three rooms is another. A couple have moved in. The man is Spanish. I speak to him for a bit. I tell him I'm English. He calls out to the woman who's inside the room. She comes out. She's wearing a sarong. She's middle aged. She comes from New Zealand. We start speaking. In English. I haven't spoken to anyone in English for weeks. She tells me that she just arrived in Buenos Aires that morning. From New Zealand. She's spent a long time travelling. A very long time. She's on her way to Brazil. Tomorrow she goes to Florianopolis. She's going to hang out on the beach for six weeks. Get drunk and hang out on the beach. She has friends there. I ask if she's been there before. She hasn't. I haven't been there either. She says the friend she's going to see is her ex. He's moved back there. From New Zealand. Moved back to his family. I haven't quite got round to thinking that it's unusual to go and spend six weeks with your ex, but I'm getting there. She tells me she hasn't seen him for over a year. Then she says she's going for their child's birthday. Their child who died. He would have been two. She's brought the ashes. She's going to scatter them in Florianopolis. She's going to stay with her ex and his family for six weeks and hang out on the beach and not do anything.

+++

18.9.10

random montevideo notes - on knowing a country

You can never really know a country.
You can get to know more of it and more it, but you’ll never really know it.
Just those bits of it it allows you to see.
(This has political connotations).

+++

random montevideo notes - pinter/ betrayal

Ok, so the play works backwards. It’s radical but it’s not as though it’s never been heard of.

However… who else actually ends their play not at the beginning (nor at the end)… but at the end of the second scene?

+++

random montevideo notes - the things that are keeping me sane

Harold Pinter.

And

Zombies.

+++

9.9.10

random montevideo notes - santa rosa

The week before the end of Winter, it returns with a vengeance.
Santa Rosa is the last hurrah of the wet, the cold, the dank, the grey, the dull, the turgid, the hopeless, the desperate Montevideo.
The one people long to leave behind, knowing that Summer will bring something else.
Those who've got through Winter without flu will fall at the Santa Rosa hurdle.

+++

When the sun flirts with the clouds at the week's end, winking like a naughty teenager, it's met with not so much joy as swathes of relief.
There is life after Santa Rosa.
You'd forgotten but it's coming back.

+++

4.7.10

the arrow maker who gives birth to a new century

The most extraordinary festival of all those celebrated by the Indians of America was surely the Toxiuh molpilia (the binding of the years) which took place at the end of every century, at the end of a cycle of fifty-two solar years. This was the festival of the new fire... It was the most beautiful, the most tragic, and the most meaningful of festivals, since it took place at the time when, according to the Indians' counting of time, all the stars having completed their cycle, the entire cosmos would begin again the revolution which lead it from the year One Rabbit to another year One Rabbit.

...

There was something tragic and dreamlike in that terrifying wait for the end of the world which the Christian Sahagun could not accept, because for him it has the inevitable sense of a damnation: it was, he says, "an invention of the devil so they would renew the pact they had made with him... by plunging them into terror of the end of the world and by making them believe he was prolonging their time and was having mercy on them, by allowing the world to continue."

...

The priests then arrived, each one wearing the insignias of his god, and they began to walk slowly, silently, "and they were then called teonenemi, which means, they walk like gods".

Then, at a given moment, a man was sacrificed, enabling the entire universe to continue on its course. They chose a warrior, captured during combat, chosen from among the most courageos, who had to bear, by the date of his birth, the name of his destiny. Born on the first day of the year, he was called xiuhtlanin, he who arrowed the new year. The high priest placed a stick of wood upon his chest and quickly rubbed the tapered stick between his hands, thus producing a spark. When the fire caught "the captive's chest was immediately opened, his heart ripped out and thrown into the fire, which they kept fanning, and then the whole body was consumed in the flames". And all around the people who were waiting in anguish, seeing the fire rise up, "immediately cut their ears with knives, collected their blood and threw it in the direction where the light had appeared"; fire was taken to all parts of the province by runners carrying torches and, says Sahagun, "it was an admirable sight, that multitude of fire in all the villages, so such a degree it seemed to be daylight." The last ceremony of the new fire took place in 1507, according to Sahagun, "they did it in complete solemnity, for the Spanish had not yet come to that land".

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From The Mexican Dream, J.M.G. Le Clezio, p54.

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15.6.10

with regard to the various ages of wo/man

As people age they are inclined to sublimate their disappointments, channeling them into their attitude towards the world. The price they have paid for that which has not been realised is compensated for by moments of capriciousness or pettiness. As though seeking to rediscover the privileges of childhood, before the disappointments of adulthood tarnished childhood's dreams of a promised heaven on earth.

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We are all subject to these whims. The degree to which we allow ourselves to indulge them demarcates the line between our desire to continue becoming an adult, or our inclination to remain a child.

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the whole of the moon

You have to love someone for their flaws (in your perception) as much as their values (in your perception).

Otherwise your love is partial, discriminatory and vulnerable.

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define your terms

You can't write about corruption in a corrupt society, because it doesn't want to know.

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2.4.10

london - montevideo, april 2008

Because all we do as we travel is note or having thing things noted unto us.

The woman flying from LA with her husband and daughter. The husband holding a large object which looks like a ring of fire. On their way to Bucharest. Delayed firstly because an engine hadn't worked and secondly because of the NATO summit. Heading to Bucharest because the fourteen year old daughter is one of the top ten under 15 rhythmic gymnasts in the US. Their hotel in Bucharest is going to cost 30 Euros a night. They are bringing their own sheets. Stay three nights before returning directly to LA.

The assistant as I checked in at the TAM desk at Frankfurt. Who arranged my window seat and then disappeared for ten minutes having seen my baggage was only routed as far as Sao Paulo. Before returning with a sticker which informed that the case would now go as far as Montevideo. Who said with only the barest hint of multilingual irony: I think this is better now.

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22.3.10

funny how these things have a way of coming together

What we watched was a work by Harold Pinter called Betrayal...
'What did you think?' he asked.
'Of the play?'
He nodded as he chewed. I shrugged.
'Good.' I said. 'Pretty good.'
Rodney's expression demanded an explanation.
'Well'. I admitted, 'the truth is I'm not sure I understood it all.'
'I, on the other hand, am sure I didn't understand any of it,' Rodney said after emitting a grunt...'But I fear that's not Wong's fault but Pinter's. I can't remember where I read how he discovered his writing method. The guy was with his wife and he said to her: "Darling, I've got quite a few good scenes written, but they've nothing to do with each other. What should I do?" And his wife answered: "Don't worry: you just put them all together, the critics will take care of explaining what they mean." And it worked: the proof is there's not a single line of Pinter the critics don't understand perfectly.

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Javier Cercas, The Speed of Light

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21.3.10

inside out (2)

Every relationship is also a story.

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What a story reveals is no more the shell of its existence.

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Beneath the shell lurk networks and connections and fears and dreams.

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However, even in the best told of stories, nothing more than the shell can ever be revealed.

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it could quite reasonably be argued that we inhabit -

- A world cursed by the fascism of perfection.

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12.3.10

the tudors

Four eight year olds sit around a table. One has Somali parents. Two have Turkish parents. One has British parents. All are British schoolchildren. They are studying the Tudors. Religion under the Tudors. They've made a poster, with a picture of the Pope hidden beneath the flap. The exercise they are asked to do involves imagining themselves to be a Catholic and then a Protestant firstly in the reign of Mary and then in the reign of Elizabeth 1. Their Catholics express their happiness at being ruled by Mary and their Protestants their relief at being ruled by Elizabeth. Their Catholics express their fear of persecution during the reign of Elizabeth, and the Protestants the fear of persecution under the reign of Mary. When questioned they say that the exercise makes sense, and they like it.

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west london tales 11 - silence

I finish the play that I've been reading. It's gone midnight. The play's about a soldier who comes back from Basra and brings the war with him. I switch the light off. I notice something. I look out of the window, which is placed alongside the bed. The Westway is closed. Not a car passes. A camera flashes in the distance. I realise what it is that I am noticing. It's the first silence I have known in my home in the two and a half years I have lived here. I listen to the sound of my room. It hums. I hear a train go past, and see its lights reflected in the next tower block down. Or perhaps I see the lights and then I hear the train. The room hums. Silence.

Then, even as I am wondering what it might be like to live with silence, or that approximation of silence which the traffic, the traffic which never sleeps, snuffs out; the Westway opens again. Red tail lights drone Westwards. In an instant I forget what the sound of that silence, if that is what it was, felt like. Although the hum remains.

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10.3.10

pelevin on writing; on buddhism; on writing and buddhism

Life is a bitch, and then you die. Death is a bitch, and then you are born. Writing is very much like this, as it is living multiple short lives within your longer one.

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Buddhism seemed to me to be the only religion that didn’t resemble the projection of the Soviet power onto the domain of spirit. It was only much later that I understood that it was exactly the other way around—the Soviet power was an attempt to project the alleged heavenly order onto Earth. Well, Buddhism was totally out of this vicious circle and there was something so strangely compelling and soothing about it.

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http://bombsite.com/issues/79/articles/2481

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5.3.10

cash flow

Money is just an opportunity cost.

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For what you gain from the having of it, you lose from those things you might have gained from the not having of it.

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interchange

It might be said that in order to truly experience the pathos and/ or beauty of living in a big city, you need to be single, and lonely. In which state, every touch of humanity counts at least double.

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Having just crossed the path of the man who works in the BBC courier department at Kings Cross Station, on the down escalator as he passed on the up, a man who I met briefly earlier today for the first and probably last time.

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enfield locked

The exercise was about writing without thinking. Letting the pencil reveal what the mind contains and conceals. Six years olds sighed at the chore, before the classroom was given over to the sound of pencils tacking at paper.

A few days later one of them, a boy called B, told me his dad had been quizzing him. Normally when this happens, his mind goes blank, the more he seeks the answer he's searching for the more it eludes him. This time, he tried not thinking. And to his surprise, he found the answer he was looking for.

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reading and drinking

Reading a novel is not dissimilar to having a conversation with a drunk in the middle of their night.

Saying which:

Reading a novel you don't get on with is like being trapped in the drunk's headlights.

Reading a novel you do get on with is like getting drunk with the world's most entertaining boozer.

The only thing that's certain is that when the dawn comes, the night will end.

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feel the quality

We inhabit a conviction society. The more you convince yourself and others of your worth/ the worth of your idea/ the worth of your conviction, the more successful your integration within this society.

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3.2.10

the devil's in the detail

To be a true artist you need to be conscious of the complete insignificance of your work.

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And learn when you need to fight that insignificance.

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And when you need to accept it.

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28.8.09

on a flying visit home from the peruvian rainforest

In New York I went to the entryway, only two blocks from my apartment. where John Lennon was shot. In Central Park a crowd had gathered spontaneously for a silent vigil that kept growing and growing. The degree to which people were feeling genuine shock and dismay made an impression on me, even if the demonstration was plagued by all the inanities that also form part of his era: joints were passed around, posters of gurus were held up in the crowd, and vague demands for peace were voiced - for what peace, where? A young woman wearing a paleo-hippie outfit held up a banner reading, "All he said is give peace a chance."

Werner Herzog, December 1980, from Conquest of the Useless

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15.7.09

quotation from a plastic bag from libreria del teatro el galpon, av 18 de julio 1618-20


Uno no se llega a ser quien es por lo que escribo sino por lo que lee.

Jorge Luis Borges

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5.7.09

what he said in caracas

What then is writing of quality? Well, what it has always been: knowing to stick one’s head into the dark, knowing to jump into the void, knowing that literature is basically a dangerous occupation. To run along the edge of the precipice: on one side the bottomless abyss and on the other the faces one loves, the smiling faces one loves, and books, and friends, and food. And to accept that fact, though sometimes it may weigh on us more than the flagstone that covers the remains of every dead writer. Literature, as an Andalusian folk song might say, is dangerous.

bolano

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4.7.09

2 quotations courtesy of enrique vila-matas

To those who ask me the reason for my travels, I tend to respond: I am well aware of what I am fleeing from, but not what I am searching for. In any case it's better to exchange a bad state for an uncertain one.

Montaigne

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The soul while travelling is constantly being exercised as it observes new and unknown things; and I know of no better school for the formation of life than consistently bringing before it the diversity of so many other lives.

Montaigne

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23.5.09

on finishing the guermantes way, the 3rd volume of A La Recherche

Confieso, The Guermantes Way didn’t affect me in the same way as the first two volumes, the Greek and the Australian. This volume, the Uruguayan, never quite connected with the Proust who captured passion so clinically in the earlier books. The hundred page long descriptions of a snobbish dinner party or a Paris salon felt sobre-extended, testing the mettle of the ordinary reader whose taste for this world is fragile at best. All those surgical powers of description put to the purpose of describing a world whose vacuity the narrator is constantly noting. It seems a waste of the great man’s talents, a frivolity in the wake of his established genius. And yet, the reader hangs in there, battling his way through, moments and details ever ready to leap out and rupture the banality of the Guermantes’ world. M de Charlus lurks, promising to reappear, and Swann grants a cameo, as does Albertine, all bestowing the gravitas which we know is there somewhere, waiting to re-emerge. I don’t know where I’ll read the next volume, Sodom and Gomorrah. I suppose there’s no guarantee that it shall even happen. However, after three years and three volumes, in three countries, I shall live with the knowledge that should one be lucky enough to avoid the porcine flu or the depths of despair or the black box or the sharks in the pool, there’s another three volumes of Marcel’s epic, waiting to beguile or frustrate.

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1.4.09

inside out

What people see on the outside has so little to do with what takes place on the inside that sometimes it feels incredible there should have been any connection between the two at all.

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on friendship

It might be said of a writer that it is not his or her job to like his or her friends.

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But then there are as many ways of ‘not liking’ your friends as there are of skinning a cat; which is also to say that there are as many ways of ‘not liking’ your friends as there are ways of liking them.

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dream diary xmas 08, ipswich

The events of the dream(s), the details, are of less importance than the fact of the dream. However, for the benefit of context I shall attempt to describe them.

I met up with H in South Africa. We spent a lot of time in a car. The clutch was slipping. Sometimes H drove but most of the time I did. We were in some kind of valley. At one point I had to clamber up a slippery muddy slope; at another we were trapped in a lift in an old building into which a black cat had crawled. At another we became separated, and I walked through a village where a girl approached me, begging me to sleep with her and pay her, her whole family in tow. I gave the girl 20 pounds, which was all the money I had in my wallet, and an old 70 real note which no-one recognised as currency.

[My nephew is playing a Boo game with me]


Later H and I rediscovered each other and kept driving. There is much that I’ve left out. But the real thing that has struck me about the dream is the way it both reminded and revealed to me a sense of intimacy with H. Intimacy which has nothing to do with sex (although the consummation may be found there), but the knowledge of one for the other, and the other for one, of spending time in each other’s pockets. An intimacy which engenders a way of speaking, knowing, sharing. Its been so long now since H and I knew one another, both as lovers and as friends, that I have all but forgotten it. I would almost have been ready to accept her commandment that we no longer know one another, and that to claim otherwise would be to claim a false knowledge. The dream restored the intimacy, which can, I suspect, never be quite annihilated. The intelligence, humour and love which accompanies it. I can’t remember the last time I dreamt about H. Maybe I’m only just ready for it.

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1.3.09

salisbury


Modern theatres have the architectural feel of airports: points of departure (in theory).

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Looking at photos of past productions reveals a flock of actors and writers whose day came, went, and is now little more than a scarcely glanced-at photo.

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Exceptions for my generation are: Rossiter, David Hemmings, Ronald Harwood, as an actor. All now dead.

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Theatres in other countries with photos of actors whose moment of glory has gone.

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My own friend himself captivating of a night, emphasising the value of the ephemeral in the face of eternity.

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